i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Terrible idea I love it
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
