Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
