It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
