I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
