So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
