the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
