He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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