At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
