Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
