ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
