R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
