We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
