Pappa wants mamma naked
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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