Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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