Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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