She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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