This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
