I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize