sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
my poor anus
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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