Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he fucked my hip out of place.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
