We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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