Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
