The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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