I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
