Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize