A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
