just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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