Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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