My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
