omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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