Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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