everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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