I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
