She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Randomize
