Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
