My nipple is on Facebook.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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