We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
