I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
