I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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