yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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