you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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