I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
