well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
