I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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