he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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