Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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