Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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