if only i could text you this smell
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
