ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
