Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
