I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize