Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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