Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Randomize
