gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
