if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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