Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
