My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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