So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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