grandma shit on top of the toilet
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
