i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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