You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
