i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You brought string cheese to the strip club
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
