2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
