Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
