Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize