If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
